YeoMama Club:
Bettina & Arun Devan
Meet Bettina and Arun Devan,
a resilient couple whose journey through breast cancer has strengthened their bond and reshaped their perspectives on life.
Bettina, a dedicated IT professional, was diagnosed with Stage 1, Grade 3 Invasive Lobular Carcinoma in 2017. Her husband, Arun, has been her steadfast supporter through the ups and downs of her battle. Together, they’ve embraced the challenges with grace and found new ways to connect—through fitness, shared experiences, and a deeper appreciation for life.
Discover how this couple has navigated their journey with resilience, love, and a renewed sense of purpose.
We'd love to hear more about you both. Could you introduce yourselves?
I'm Bettina, 57 years old and an IT professional. In 2017, I was diagnosed with Stage 1, Grade 3 Invasive Lobular Carcinoma.
My husband, Arun, is 60 years old and now retired; he has been my constant supporter throughout this journey. Together, we've navigated the challenges of breast cancer.
Can you share your breast cancer journey with us?
Bettina:
I was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 50 in 2017. I didn’t feel anything, I didn’t have any lumps. It was actually because there were shadows in the mammogram of my annual medical check up which led to an ultrasound and then a biopsy.
It was a confusing time because I had experienced something similar a few years earlier, and it had turned out to be nothing. When I was then presented with the diagnosis, it was preemptively a stage 2 because they don’t know whether it is stage 1 or 2 until they remove the tumour.
At the time, I was heavily focused on work, dealing with company restructuring and new bosses, so I tried to postpone the surgery. I told my bosses right away, they were very understanding. It was very reassuring.
After returning from a business trip to Germany, I underwent surgery, which confirmed Stage 1, Grade 3 aggressive cancer, HER2 -, hormone receptive. Thankfully, I didn’t need chemotherapy; only anti-hormone therapy and Zoladex injections to shut down my ovaries. The real side effects were that menopause really sets in, the moodswings, the hot flushes, and bad sleep.
I tried out different medications, went through the treatments for five years and was eventually declared cancer-free at the end of five years. No more therapy and no more drugs. Good for now, but I still do my mammograms! There’s always this chance of a recurrence, shadows spotted in my scans, I’m always careful to do my checks.
Arun:
During those five years, she didn’t show any significant health issues, she was generally fit and her mood was good. It was a quiet celebration. We were then living in Germany. It was a day when she say, “you know it’s five years already, and I’m cancer-free”.
We were grateful that she’s made it through, to this state of remission.
What was your initial reaction to your wife’s diagnosis, and how did you process those emotions?
Arun:
Of course, my first reaction was shock. A few years earlier, my father had passed away from stage 4 pancreatic cancer within two months of his diagnosis. Naturally, I feared the worst for Bettina. The doctors couldn’t specify the stage of her cancer right away, which only made the waiting harder.
At first, I really thought of the extreme case, where I would lose her, and it was going down that rabbit hole of that early loss in life of a spouse and becoming a widower was really hard to deal with. Then of course, you have to catch yourself and say “just work on things that can help her” and I tried to understand as much as I could and accompanied her for most of her appointments. I also wondered how it could affect our daughter.
What do you wish you’d known about breast cancer before your diagnosis?
Bettina:
The diagnosis came completely unexpected —I had no idea what hit me at that time.
One important lesson I learned is not to blame yourself. It’s not something you cause or deserve; it just happens. The best thing you can do is look forward. There is life after breast cancer. Whether you know about breast cancer beforehand or not, I don’t think it makes much of a difference.
However, I think what one can do, is go for your mammogram checks regularly, so that it can be detected early - to understand your body, recognise if something is not quite right and seek help early.
How did your journey with breast cancer change your perspective on life and self-care?
Bettina:
Breast cancer shifted my outlook. What really changed for me was how I view myself and others.
Before, I was a perfectionist—working late nights and striving for perfection in everything I did, even expecting it from my co-workers. Breast cancer taught me that the world is not perfect, and you can’t make it perfect. It simply is what it is; you take it as it comes. You begin to value every experience, live in the moment, and appreciate the people around you, as they each have their own struggles and challenges.
It’s important to take things a bit lighter and enjoy imperfections. This is something I have adopted.
Self-care has also become essential. I listen to my body now. When I’m tired, I rest. I don’t push myself beyond my limits anymore. It’s all about finding moments to recharge.
How has your relationship changed after going through this journey together?
Arun:
Bettina has always been strong and independent, so we’ve never been the type of couple to cling on to each other. However, this experience has brought us closer emotionally.
We joined dragon boating together through the Breast Cancer Foundation (BCF), which allowed us to spend more time together. We share what we hear from others about their individual journeys, making it easier to discuss emotional matters rather than getting things done functionally. I think that was one of the biggest differences.
It’s easier to empathise with Bettina’s journey now that I’m part of BCF Paddlers in the Pink.
Bettina:
He’s right. We’ve learned to be more forgiving with each other, and that has benefited our relationship. Becoming more relaxed about the whole situation has also helped us.
Additionally, we’re much more active now—seeking activities we can do together, like hiking and diving, to keep fit.
I think one important aspect is the attention you give to your partner, as you realise you could lose them at any time. There’s no guarantee that you will live to see tomorrow, so your relationship gains a different importance at various stages. This applies not only to your partner but also to friends and family.
Life can end unexpectedly, which enhances your appreciation for relationships with others. That’s a valuable aspect of experiencing the cancer journey.
What advice would you give to individuals currently facing a breast cancer diagnosis or those who may be hesitant about getting regular check-ups?
Bettina:
Regular mammogram checks are essential for early detection, so if you’re not already doing your annual check-ups, make it a priority. It’s crucial to understand your body and recognize when something doesn’t feel right.
As a survivor, remember that your journey is uniquely yours; you don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you feel or how you choose to heal. While well-meaning friends and family may have their opinions, sometimes it’s good to shut out that noise and find yourself in that journey.
If you feel like crying, then cry—allow yourself to feel those emotions; they are valid. Connecting with others who share similar experiences is also a good way of turning your journey into a positive experience.
